Fortnite Is Turning John Wick Into a Simpsons Character

I have never played Fortnite. Not one match, round, battle, reload or whatever the hell they call it. I’ve watched enough clips to understand that it is essentially the place where every fictional character ever created eventually arrives to shoot every other fictional character ever created, but that is about as far as my knowledge goes.

John Wick, however, I do understand.

John Wick is my spirit animal. I don’t know if that is still what we call it, but he’s that. A quiet man who wants to be left alone, loves his dog and reacts poorly when people ignore several very clear warnings. Okay, so maybe we are not exactly the same, but I understand the philosophy.

Starting July 30, Fortnite Reload is bringing back its Simpsons-themed version of Springfield with a redesigned cel-shaded map built for 50-player matches. The update also introduces The Confidential, a neutral location where combat is disabled and players can use proximity chat without immediately shooting one another. Anyone who breaks the rules will reportedly become “excommunicado,” borrowing another piece of John Wick’s world for the game.

The strangest addition is a Simpsonized John Wick outfit that turns Baba Yaga into a yellow cartoon character who looks like he should be drinking at Moe’s before killing 37 people on the way home. Players who own the current Battle Pass can unlock the style by completing the new Fortnite Reload quests. At least initially, it will not be sold separately through the Item Shop.

John Wick will also appear as one of the characters walking around Springfield, alongside Homer and Moe. There is even a John Wick Sprite that can reveal nearby enemies after its player knocks down or eliminates an opponent, giving the rest of the squad a better idea of where the next collection of terrible decisions is coming from.

Apparently, players can find the Sprite inside certain chests, take it from somebody carrying it or locate it with a Reload Portable Extractor. Once claimed in Reload, it can also be unlocked for use in other Fortnite modes. I understood very little of that sentence before looking it up, but the important part is that tiny John Wick helps you locate people who still need to be shot.

I still don’t see myself beginning a long and successful Fortnite career. I imagine I would go in there and just be murdered by Bart Simpson, Batman or a giant banana before I rage quit and go back to eventually finishing Resident Evil: Requiem.

But Simpsonized John Wick is the closest this game has ever come to getting me through the door. Give the man a black suit, a pencil and directions to whoever hurt Santa’s Little Helper.

Then get the fuck out of his way.